


La Douleur Exquise

by DameBitch01, Dumpling God (DameBitch01)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21781927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameBitch01/pseuds/DameBitch01, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameBitch01/pseuds/Dumpling%20God
Summary: No one has ever dared to cross Son Hyunwoo's path. Ever. Except Alex. A mistake for which she has had to pay dearly. Now after 4 years, Alex finds herself face to face with him again, but the turn of events that snowballs from that meeting threatens to destroy her life for forever.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Reader
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

His eyes wandered off to the bar area below. It has been a holiday, so the crowd in the bar was more than usual. Hyunwoo sat in the VIP area with his gang. A stripper moved her hips to the music on the pole in front of him. It was customary for every recruit to perform for the Boss and his gang, before being allowed to perform in front of the public. In this way, Hyunwoo was able to ensure that quality performance was being given to his customers.

“Would Sir like a private show?” he heard the girl say. Hyunwoo looked up and saw the girl sitting on her haunches, a smirk on her face. Hyunwoo was all too aware of the tricks that new recruits tried to play, in order to get into his good books. Apparently, word that went around Atrophy was that being favored by the Boss was what was needed to rise in the hierarchy of the club. Hyunwoo thought for a second. He needed a good fuck and would have indulged her any other day, but he didn’t feel like it at that moment. His mind was too preoccupied with things that he didn’t want to admit.

“I need to stop thinking about it” he thought, but even that thought pushed his mind towards the unwelcome emotions that were raking his brain. God dammit, he was the Jopok, the leader of the Gwanju branch of the syndicate; he had no time and energy to spare for a lowly professor. He waved the girl off, not wanting to say anything. The girl looked somewhat disappointed, before focusing her attention to the more receptive part of her audience.

“High Boss would not be happy if he saw me moping around like this” he thought, sipping on his Old Fashioned. There was no room for the weak in Jopok and Hyunwoo had a reputation for being perhaps the highest-ranking leader in the Jopok community, right after the High Boss himself. His branch was highly respected and greatly feared by the other branches and he was a personal favourite of the High Boss. It was a known fact that the High Boss had chosen Hyunwoo as his successor to the entire Jopok empire. Hyunwoo’s personality and efficient method of addressing his affairs had earned himself and his syndicate a lot of money, but he had to stay focused if he wanted to remain at the top. Focus was something that he had been missing since the last few weeks. He was still at the top of his game when it came to collecting money from debtors or looking into the weapons and drug dealings of his branch. His night clubs and strip clubs were adding on to the income that was already more than that of the richest man in the city. He could have anything, from the latest model of Lamborghini to a private jet. He knew that he couldn’t lose it all. Then why was his brain so occupied with her, someone who had been nothing more than a game to him?

He shifted his attention to the crowd downstairs. The huge crowd that greeted his sight seemed to have swelled up since the last time he saw it. His eyes skimmed over the crowd as he heard Jae say,

“Boss, another drink?”

Hyunwoo merely nodded.

He has had a pretty interesting day. His morning had begun with Ichiko giving him a head under the table while he ate breakfast. He had to go to two debt collections where the debtors were not intimidated by his gang members. Usually Hyunwoo’s henchmen were enough to scare debtors into paying their debts at the right time. He had to oversee a cargo that had arrived from Hong Kong in the evening, before making his way to his club, Atrophy for some relaxation. He did not dare to think about the dream he has had in the morning- an image of her sleeping next to him. He had almost believed it to be true in the semi-awake state and had proceeded to pull her close. Only when he had turned her towards himself, did he realize that it was not the raven-haired girl from his dreams, but a teal haired Ichiko.

“Come on, Hyunwoo , let’s not think about it anymore. A good fuck and she will be off your mind”. he thought, nursing his drink. He would forget about her, he thought. He would go back home, and a nice, long fuck and a Scotch would cure him of his recent lack of focus. Maybe he would ask the stripper girl to go with him. He knew that he wouldn’t have to do much to get her to suck him off. He wouldn’t take her to his place, he thought, shaking his head. He would ask her to meet him in one of the Playrooms in the club.

Suddenly his train of thought jerked to a stop. He could feel his body shutting down. There was no way in hell that this was happening.

“What is she doing here?” was the first thought in his mind. Atrophy, like many other clubs owned by the Jopok, was notorious for the clients it usually catered to- people from the crime world swarmed the club. Drug dealings, prostitution and other illegal businesses flourished in its drunken haze. Although these people usually stayed away from the occasional commoner who visited the club, Hyunwoo was not convinced that they did not occasionally prey upon an innocent sitting all by herself at the bar, which is exactly what she was doing. Moreover, it was a strip club; he would have never expected her to visit a club, let alone a strip club. She was fiddling on her phone, while taking occasional sips of what seemed to be whisky. After the initial wave of what he would not admit being concern had passed, he leaned back into the plush, expensive sofa and took a sip out of his own drink, his eyes not leaving her. She had never been someone who would drink whisky; she has always hated alcohol. He was almost in a mind to walk up to her when he realized the presence of his gang around him. He didn’t want them to think that their ‘Boss’ and leader of the Gwanju branch had a weak spot for the girl they had collectively taught a lesson some time back. He couldn’t let them think that he had gone all mushy. More than anything, he couldn’t afford to have them see her. If they saw her, they could want to hurt her, thinking that they were entitled to it. He didn’t know what he would do if he saw anyone even trying to hurt her. Hyunwoo ’s lips curled up into a small smile as he observed her. Her eyes were glued on the phone in front of her, oblivious to the chaos around. Hyunwoo watched as she lifted the empty glass to her lips. A chuckle broke out from his throat when he saw her startled reaction on realizing that the glass was empty. She picked up her head to look at the bartender, who chuckled and gave another glass of whisky. He could feel his chest hurting. He needed to talk to her, at least be near her, even if it was for a minute. He turned towards his right and noticed to his alarm, that Jae had been looking at him curiously. He cleared his throat and said,

“Go back home. I have some work left to do”.

Jae nodded before gathering the rest of the gang and walking out of the club. They could be scary to others, but they did not have the guts to ignore Hyunwoo’s orders. Jopok culture believed in undying loyalty and subservience to one’s Boss. Moreover, no one went against Hyunwoo. As his gang cleared out of the club, he sank back into the sofa, sipping on the drink that a waiter had brought for him some minutes ago.

“She is here to meet someone” Hyunwoo thought, noticing the way her hands danced on her phone screen. A part of him, albeit a large one, wished that she was there for him. Hyunwoo imagined her smiling on seeing him. Shit! He really needed to go and talk to her. He got up from the sofa. Fixing his blazer, he walked down the steps and towards the bar. The seat on her right was empty. Hyunwoo walked up to the bar and sat down on the stool next to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex glanced at the messages in her phone. A few mails from the college where she taught and a mail from McDonald's greeted her. Deleting all of them, she took a sip from her whisky. The junior professors of her department always greeted a new professor with a welcome party-of-sorts, if the professor was in their age bracket. The new professor in question was named Hoseok. Alex had spoken very little to him and found him to be very polite and highly intelligent individual. He had completed his PhD from Seoul University. Though Hoseok looked like someone who would not enjoy being at a strip club, he had graciously agreed to meet them there. Alex looked at her phone again, wishing Kate or anyone from their little group would arrive sooner. She did not want to be alone in a place like this for any longer. 

A scrapping sound indicated the presence of someone on the stool next to her. She only wished that the person did not start a conversation with her, when she heard a familiar deep voice drawl “Two margaritas, one for the lady and one for me”. She could feel her brain shutting down. It could not be him; there was no way in hell that it was him. Maybe she had heard someone else and mistook it to be him. She was definitely dreaming. But the very next sentence made her realize that it certainly was not a dream. 

“I didn’t know that you drink” the voice said.

“Don’t freak out. Do not freak out. He cannot hurt you. This is a public place. he wouldn’t dare to. When the others come, you could ask them to go somewhere else.” she thought. She heard a chuckle coming from beside her. Her hands froze with fear, on hearing that sound. She remembered the last occasion in which she had heard that sound and shivered. There was a slight movement on the stool beside her. She could see black jeans clad legs, turning the stool towards her. The voice rang out again, softly this time.  
“Are you not going to look at me?”

“Nope. Not at all” she thought. She looked at the bartender, hoping that he’d be able to get her out of this situation. But he placed the drinks that her companion had asked for, on the counter and said "Boss, the drinks”

“Boss?” she thought. “The people here know him!”

“Leave” her brain commanded. She gathered her purse and proceeded to pay the bartender for her drinks. She could ask her colleagues to meet at some other club. Surely, her colleagues would understand if she said that a guy was troubling her to an extent that it made her leave. A hand beat her to it. She shivered as familiar hands engulfed her own, preventing her from paying.

“You don’t have to pay. I own this club. It is on the house” his voice resounded in her ears. 

“Oh my god!” she thought. She felt like puking. She had been drinking in the bar that belonged to that monster. The whisky felt like poison, threatening to make her sick. There was no way in hell that she was leaving without paying. She took the payment from the purse and placed it in front of the bartender. The bartender looked at her and said,

“Sorry ma’am, Boss’s orders. I cannot take the money.”  


She sighed. “Please take it.” she urged, pushing the money towards him again. 

“He will not take it. Here in this establishment, no one does anything without my orders.” She heard him say. She decided that she would not stay there, not for even a second. No one knows what had been mixed in her drink. She got up from her seat and was about to leave, when she felt his strong grip on her wrist, restricting her from leaving. “Where are you going?” she heard him say. She tried freeing her hand, but his grip was too strong. She looked up at him. He looked the same as he had done four years ago. She remembered the circumstances under which she had last seen him. She remembered being pushed down on her knees, him forcing his penis in her mouth as Ichiko took pictures. She remembered getting a text via which he informed her that he had uploaded those pictures of her on a porn website, along with her number saying that she was available for services.

“Were you not going to look at me?” he said. Alex had fallen for his soft words but that was a long time back. Now she knew that all those so-called feelings have been nothing more than a hoax. She decided against fighting him. The club was his turf; he would have people here who would be ready to hurt her even at a single word by him. Her causing ruckus would be seen as an affront to their ‘Boss’; they would not think twice before doing anything. Alex had experienced how ruthless his gang members could be a long time ago. She decided that she would wait until one of her colleagues arrived. Surely, he wouldn’t dare to do anything then.

“Why are you not replying to me?” his voice sounded a little pensive.

She refrained from saying anything, only wishing that someone would come sooner.

“I asked you something” there was a hint of anger and hurt in his voice. He picked up his hand and took it towards her face, intending to hold it. She quickly moved away from his approaching hand.

“Alex?” she heard someone call from behind her. She turned around and heaved a sigh of relief when she saw Hoseok. A beautiful smile graced his lips as he came and sat on the stool on her left.

“Where had you been?” she said, a little too hurriedly and accusingly. Hoseok seemed to be startled at her excessive familiarity as he replied with “I had some papers to grade. I am sorry”. Alex soon realized her mistake and quickly replied to his answer with, “No, it’s alright. I was just wondering where everyone was”.

“Who is he?” Hyunwoo’s authoritative voice rang out. She sighed before turning to look at him. He looked angry; almost to the point of being mad. His eyes turned into slits as he stared at Hoseok. Fear suddenly crept into Alex’s mind. An angry Hyunwoo could do anything; he could very easily hurt Hoseok and her if he wanted to. She did not want her colleague to get hurt. She turned towards Hoseok and found him to be staring at Hyunwoo curiously.

“Could we go somewhere else?” She pleaded to Hoseok. “Please” she added. Hoseok must have noticed the tone of desperation and fear in her voice because he said “Sure”, smilingly.  
She practically jumped out of her seat and was about to leave when Hyunwoo’s hand engulfed her in a vice like grip. “Where are you going?” She tried taking her hand out of his grip, but could not manage to do so.

“Leave me”

“Where are you going?” he asked again, his voice stronger now.

“I said leave me” her voice was sterner. She tried wriggling her hand out of his grip, but couldn’t manage to do so. Hoseok came and stood in front of her, his lips pursed, “Sir, please leave her." Hyunwoo only stared at him as he tightened his grip on her hand. He turned towards her and said, "You are not leaving." 

“Please Leave Her” Hoseok’s voice was an octave deeper. Alex noticed the look on Hyunwoo gave Hoseok. She only wished that he did not try to hurt her colleague.  


“Hoseok...” she said, imploring him to keep calm. Getting angry and doing anything rash in a place like this, and that too, in front of a gang lord could only bring forth trouble. Hyunwoo's eyes turned away from Hoseok to her. Anger changed to something else; something that she couldn’t quite place. She jerked her hand from his grip. After some struggling, her hand was free from his grip. Soon after, Alex and Hoseok left weaved their way out of the way and were gone.


	3. Chapter 3

“What. Are. You. Doing ?????!!!!” Hyunwoo thought, shaking his head. “What is wrong with you? You remember the lesson, don’t you? She is a game, nothing more. She is not someone who was even worth your attention.” He started at the glass of margarita that he had ordered for her and cursed mentally. Why did he have to act so impulsively? Now the bartender would talk about how the Boss had an interest on a girl. He shook his head, trying to free his thoughts from his brain. He could not afford to lose his control. His reputation and power had not been built by being reckless. He had to get a grip on himself. Alex was nothing, absolutely nothing. His brain raced towards when he saw that guy come and sit next to him. Who was he? What were they doing in his club? His insides burned on remembering the way that so called Hoseok had gently pulled her towards her from the crowd. He could knock that guy’s teeth out for even thinking about being close to her. No one could touch her. She was hi-

“Stop!” he mumbled, trying to keep his scrambled thoughts in order. He couldn’t do that; he could not lose himself over her. Alex was nothing more than a game, he reminded himself. She was an investment to get fun out of. Hyunwoo’s heart did an involuntary lurch when he thought of her as an investment. “She is so much more than that. You know it.” His mind said.

“I need a good fuck” he thought, getting up from the stool and walking towards the employees’ common rooms. He would have a good fuck and that would be it. He needed to take his mind off this very stupid business.

His mind jolted back to her when he was about to open the door to the common room. What if she saw him there? How would she feel? Would she be sad, hurting? Hyunwoo remembered the guy who left with her. A pang of jealousy and pain shot through Hyunwoo.

“Focus, Hyunwoo” he said to himself. “Focus. You don’t want to lose your concentration over a paltry slut”

“Tell the new recruit to meet me in The Playroom” he ordered an older stripper who was about to leave the room. She nodded, afraid to look at him in the eye and walked back into the room.

“It will be alright” Hyunwoo thought,” I am just tired.” 

God knew that it was certainly not ‘alright’, as Hyunwoo had previously thought. Even after a month of last seeing her, Hyunwoo was nowhere near forgetting her. Instead, he was haunted by her dreams more than ever. He couldn’t remember just how many evenings he had spent sitting on the sofa in the VIP region, his eyes scanning the crowd, hoping to get one glimpse of her. He involuntarily chose to wear the shirts which had been a gift from her, noticing them only when he returned back home, tired after a day of work. He would dream about her even more now; he would wake up every day, believing that she was there, next to him, on the bed. Hyunwoo had tried very, very hard to control himself from going over to her place. It was one sudden Thursday morning when his need to see her exceeded his self-control. He drove over to her place, heart pounding with happiness. It was only when he had knocked on the door and an elderly lady opened it; did he realize that Alex did not live there anymore. Disappointment and hurt coursed through him. How was he to look for her then? He had managed to keep himself from searching for her for some more days, before he could control himself no more. He drove of to the college where she taught and waited, hoping that he would be able to see her and possibly follow her home. 

And that is what he did. Three weeks later, Hyunwoo was standing outside a white coloured house. His heart jumped at the prospect of seeing her again. He hadn’t seen her for over two months then. His hands held a small bunch of flowers. He was certain that she did not look like stuff like that, but he did not know what to get her. He lingered about for a second at the door, trying to gather his thoughts. Then he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell. 


	4. Chapter 4

The doorbell rang thrice before Alex opened her eyes. She had been dead tired from all the work that she had to do all throughout the week and had hoped to sleep off the entire Saturday. “Guess my luck is running out” she thought as she dragged herself out of the bed. Jogging downstairs, she managed to pull a shirt over her sports bra and shorts clad self. Wishing that the person behind the door would not disturb her for more than a few minutes, she opened it.

Alex regretted opening the door as soon as she saw the person standing on the other side of it. Hyunwoo stood there, a small smile on his face. He held a small bouquet of flowers in his hands. His eyes glided over her form and Alex thought that she saw him stop breathing for a second. Meanwhile, Hyunwoo could just stare at her. He had wanted to see her for so long and there she was, right there in front of him, looking like an absolute treat. He felt his breath hitch when he saw her in the shirt and shorts. She looked so beautiful. He could only imagine how beautiful her skin would look under that shirt. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t even notice when Alex had started to close the door. He impulsively stuck his foot, preventing the door from closing. He pushed the door open and entered the house. One look at her house and he knew that it aptly suited her. It seemed to be an architectural representation of her. In years to come, it would become his safe spot, the place he would go to when he felt any negative emotion. Alex had burned some lavender infused incense in her house. Hyunwoo breathed in that beautiful smell, his mind clearing up due to the smell. Everything there reminded him of the girl who then stood near the sofa, her right hand on her waist. He turned his attention from her home to her. Strangely enough, he did not know what to say. He could only admire her as she stood there, impatiently waiting for him to say something.

“Don’t do anything that you would regret later on, Hyunwoo” he reminded himself. He couldn’t lose himself to his emotions; he was far too important for that. But standing there in front of her, made him feel like giving everything up and being there with her, forever. As he tried to calm himself, Alex’s voice rang in his ears, loud and clear- “What are you doing here?”

Her voice was stern and rude, but Hyunwoo did not care for it. He only thought about how from then on, he could hear her voice, talking to him. The rude words made no difference to him; all that mattered to him was that she was talking to him. 

“It is a legit question, though” he thought. What was he doing there? Could he say that he had come there because he missed her and wanted to see her? Could he say that he was haunted by her dreams every night and that he wore the shirts that she had bought for him almost every day? Any other guy might have admitted that, but not him. Hyunwoo could not let himself go so easily. His inner thoughts have been his all this while, ever since the first time he saw her. He hadn’t shared a single thought, a single wish, a single dream with anyone, often dismissing them as fictions of an over worked brain, something that a good fuck and a glass of whisky could cure. Jopok made sure that they didn’t show their weaknesses in front of anyone and Hyunwoo was not going to divulge his weak points to her any time soon. But how he wished that he could. He wanted to tell her how much it hurt to see her leave and how happy he was then that he could finally see her and talk to her. He wanted to tell her how he had spent the better part of the morning trying to gather up enough courage to go buy flowers for her but instead he said “Your house smells nice”.

Alex ignored his comment. “Get Out” her voice rang out.

A pang of hurt struck him. He could feel his breathing become laboured. She hadn’t asked him about he was doing or anything and had blatantly jumped to how she wanted him out of the house. 

“Did you have college today?” Hyunwoo asked, knowing very well that it was a Saturday and therefore, a holiday. He just wanted to talk to her.

“Get. Out. Now” Alex’s voice was stern, devoid of any emotion except anger. Hyunwoo focused on his breathing, as the gang lord self in him yearned to teach her a lesson for speaking to him like that. “Thought you would like these flowers”, he said, placing the flowers in a nearby vase. He then plopped down on the couch. He stared at her for some time, before chuckling and saying,” You look like you woke up just minutes ago.”

“What are you up to, huh?” Alex stood in front of him, her hands on her hips. Hyunwoo’s heart flooded with emotions that he hadn’t ever felt. How was it that merely seeing and talking to her had such an effect on him. How was it that in spite of her having said only rude stuff to her, he could only think about how he could from then on, hear her voice and see her.

“Calm down, Hyunwoo” his brain interjected. 

“You need to leave.” Alex’s voice was harsh, “I don’t care about what you have to say or what you have to give me; you need to Get the Fuck Out.”

“I am not leaving, love” Hyunwoo smirked at her, his arms neatly folded behind him head. He leaned further into the couch.

“I will call the police” Alex threatened, her hands already into the pocket of her shorts. She was about to dial something, when Hyunwoo grabbed her phone and raised it over his head, keeping it out of her reach. Alex tried to get her phone, trying to get his arm to lower. But Hyunwoo was too tall for her.

“She is so adorable”, he thought as he teased her even more. Alex came closer, trying to pull his hand down. His breath hitched. He could feel her touch lingering on his arm. Goosebumps lined his arms. He wished he could feel that touch more often.” I won’t give you the phone”, he said in a singsong voice.

Alex left his arm and huffed. She was not prepared to deal with his bullshit on her designated off day. She tried to calm herself down and prevent herself from cursing at him. She rubbed at her temples and said, much more composed and serious this time, “Listen, it is just too early for me to deal with your bullshit right now. I haven’t disturbed you all this time; I would be very grateful if you could do the same as well. Please leave. I am not going to be so polite the next time “She handed him the flowers that he had brought for her and continued, “take your garbage with you.”

Hyunwoo had never thought that he would feel what he did then. The flowers were ‘garbage’ to her? He had spent the entire morning, unable to decide whether his pride or the gift came first. He remembered going to the flower shop and how it had been the most uncomfortable, awkward thing that he has ever had to do in his life. Maybe, she didn’t like them, he thought. Alex would never say something as hurtful like this, he thought. She did not have the mechanism to be hateful. 

“You don’t like them?” he asked, willing himself to believe that Alex had not liked the cheesy gesture or the flowers, rather him coming to her place. 

Alex shook her head. “Get out, Hyunwoo”, her voice sounded exasperated, “Just leave”. She nodded her head towards the door. Hyunwoo could feel his heart breaking. Did she really not want him there? Does she really mean it when she said that she didn’t want anything to do with him?

“Baby, I just- “, he stopped mid sentence. He didn’t know how he was to explain what he was doing there. He didn’t have anything to say to her; he was there because he had just wanted to see her again. He took a deep breath, before continuing,” It’s just… it’s just that I wanted to see you”

“Well, you have seen me, now leave” Alex said, putting her hands in the pockets of her shorts. Hyunwoo felt the same jolt as before. He looked at the bunch of flowers in his hands and felt his heart breaking again. “I…...” he wanted to say something that would make her let him stay, but he didn’t have any words. He didn’t know how he was supposed to defend himself. He tried again, forcing himself to believe that it was the flowers that she didn’t like. “I could get you something else, if you didn’t like the flowers” he said, trying hard not to betray his emotions. Alex gave out a long sigh, before saying, her voice annoyed,” I don’t need anything. I just need you out of my house”.

“Leave”, his brain commanded,” Leave before she says something that would hurt you even more”. He gulped down the overload of pain bubbling up his throat and silently walked out. On his way to the car, he dumped the flowers in the trash can placed on the sidewalk. He didn’t need them anymore. “Maybe, she is having a bad day” he thought, turning to look at the house.” I’ll come back some other time. Maybe she would not be so averse towards me then”

That very thought was enough for him to feel better. He gave out a long-drawn sigh and climbed into his car.


End file.
